Just One Life to Live

"Everyone wants to be happy. Nobody wants to be in pain.
But you can't have a rainbow without any rain."

I am just recently started running again, but I've always been a distance runner. Pushing myself to go that extra lap, knowing that I had enough perseverance to continue. I held onto my faith in God through everything I've gone through within my life. Forcing myself to remember that God is the only one who truly has control of my life. The first divorce between my biological mom and my dad occurred when I was three years old. The custody battles for me between my parents went on for seven years. The courts decided to bring me from the state from Ohio to Kentucky and place me into foster care for two years. My mom was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder during the trials and my dad started recovery of his alcoholic. In the end, my dad ended up receiving custody of me, and was instructed by the courts to continue attending AA meetings and find a job to support the family.

My Dad got remarried to my step mom when I was nine years old. As a result of my dad's alcoholism, they were divorced by the time I was ten years old. My dad started living on his retirement and his rental properties. I started letting my dad's drinking revolve around my Life. I didn't understand that his problem was a disease. He wanted to stop, but couldn't do it by himself. I felt as if I had no other choice but to deal with the issues of my dad's alcoholism myself. I needed to take care of myself, by succeeding and overcoming the pain of my dad's disease. I hated my life, God felt so distant and I was wondering if He was truly there. Why else would God allow all of these situations happen to me? Someone shared a verse that spoke to me. (Romans 5:3-4 “We can rejoice too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us--- they help us learn to endure. And endurance develops strength of character in us, and character strengthens our confident expectation of Salvation.”)

My dad's alcoholism hit it's prime when I needed my dad the most, from the time I was twelve until I was sixteen, I prayed for God to do whatever it took to get my dad some help with this disease that he was suffering from. The relationship between my dad and I had never been an excellent one, and the issues I was facing while trying to deal with his alcoholism and his on- and- off again girlfriends was starting to get worse. Over the course of a few years my neighbors Steve and Tracy took me to Southland. They have always had foreign exchange students who I went to school with. Steve and Tracy knew about my dad's disease and had mentioned plenty of times that if I ever needed anything to let them know. Our friendship was pretty close. Tracy was like a mom to me, and Steve was like the dad that I wanted my dad to be.

During Christmas Break of 2007 I went to Cincinnati to visit with my Aunt and Uncle. I ended up catching the flu from one of my baby cousins. I ended up going home January 2nd, 2008. I was still sick with the flu and dad took care of me to the best of his abilities, considering his disease.
The evening of January 3rd, 2008 I felt a lot better, however my dad was drinking way to much. He and I got into an argument with my dad over money issues. I couldn't do anything to financially help my dad even though I wanted to help him in every aspect. This disease was controlling his life and it was controlling how money was used in the house. Explaining to someone who is irrational, your reasoning behind anything is impossible when they are under the influence of something. I ended up with a black eye and loss of hearing in my left ear for three weeks.

By the grace of God we ending up having a snow day the day when we were suppose to go back to school from Christmas Break. I woke up about five hours before my dad, went to the basement and called my Aunt and Uncle in Cincinnati and I told them about the fight that Dad and I had. They said they would try to help me out but they explained to me that I needed to stay in Lexington. I explained to them how scared I was, but they truly couldn't do anything from hundred miles away. I kept thinking about people who could help me, I thought about my best friend who lives on Bluegrass Christian Camp, Stephanie. I called Stephanie and I told her what happened she invited me to her house for the weekend. I ended up going to her house for the weekend, I was suppose to go home on Sunday after church. However my Dad started drinking again and so my Aunt & Uncle drove down from Cincinnati and picked me up. The idea of going to live with my sister in Colorado was available, therefore Stephanie and I were freaking out. Having your best friend live twenty-eight miles away is enough, to be in another state was the unthinkable.

I missed two days of school, while staying in Cincinnati for the second weekend in a row. On the second day in Cincinnati we were trying to figure out what I was going to do, where I would go to school, where I was going to live. I expressed my feelings about wanting to continue attending Tates Creek since we were going into the second semester of my sophomore year. In the end I lived with Steve and Tracy, the neighbors that took me to Southland. My dad knew I was moving in with them at this point, and I asked my dad to drop specific things off, through Steve and Tracy. Within the course of about three weeks we were planning on having an intervention for my dad. After about two week of living at Steve and Tracy's house I was informed that my beagle had cancer and was only expected to live for six more weeks. The next day I went and visited Dixie (my beagle) and visited with my Dad as well. Dixie passed away on January 14th, 2009. She brought my dad and I together for a purpose that was meaning full even to this day. God allows everything to happen for a reason,

A week later the intervention took place sometime in Feb. 2008 my family was there and after the intervention my dad went into rehab in Hattiesburg, Mississippi for alcoholism for three months. March 2008 I entered the Ala-teen program, which is based off of the rules of Ala-Non and AA. I also got involved in youth group activities with Southland, including their “Life Hurts, God Heals” program.

I'm a living example that God only allows things in our lives to happen, to make us stronger for His kingdom. God may seem distant at times, but keep in mind that He is always right there right beside you, or watching over you. Whichever way you look at it, He's with you. Everyday is a new day.